Never Going to Applebees for $1 Margs the Night Before an Exam Again

People have said the Center City Applebee'south volition shut before long. They're wrong. The Applebee's isn't going anywhere. Information technology never will.

Afterward Amazon arrives and colonizes Philadelphia, the Applebee's will be there to serve Mayor Jeff Bezos boneless teriyaki wings. Subsequently Amazon's artificial intelligence takes over and turns the city's population into servants, the Applebee'south will remain — the 2 for $twenty entrees the only thing we'll accept to wait forward to afterwards a long 24-hour interval paying Prime Dollars to ride the Broad Street Line on our way to dig ditches at the Navy Yard. The Center City Applebee's will outlast u.s. all.

This month, along with most every Applebee'due south in America, the Center Metropolis AB'southward started selling margaritas for $1. What a country! And apparently information technology'southward been quite a success. Nosotros've heard the much-reviled-withal-pop establishment has been even more crowded than usual.

Nosotros went to the loved/hated Eye City AB's at ii p.k. Wednesday, ordered a bunch of $1 margaritas and tried to understand the essence of an Applebee'south located in the middle of the sixth-largest city in America, one that only might exist the nicest Applebee's in the world in terms of architecture. What follows is our best recollection of the experience, including screenshots from our Slack conversation with coworkers dorsum at the home base of operations.

1:55 p.m. — Marg No. 1

It's past lunchtime on Wednesday, and in that location are less than 10 people on the basis floor of the Eye City Applebee'south. We sit at the bar not far from two people — they appear to be a couple — slurping downwards what looks like lemon lime Gatorade out of a pocket-sized beer mug. Nosotros're in the right place.

The bartender asks, "What can I get you guys started with?" Equally if she doesn't know.

We social club our showtime round of $1 margaritas, and they're larger than we expected. They're slightly sour, extremely sugariness and, despite some business, certainly have tequila in them.

one:58 p.grand. — The one-half-and-one-half

There are a half-dozen jugs of one-half-and-half at the bar, next to margarita syrup. Why then much half-and-half? Starbucks doesn't even need that much half-and-half. Are they making White Russian margaritas? We quickly determine: Information technology must be for Mudslides. Why don't they have $1 Mudslides?

2:02 p.m. — The Birth

Mark discovers where Applebee'due south $one margaritas are built-in. They come out of a giant dispenser that could easily exist poured on a college football double-decker afterward a victory in the Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl.

ii:ten p.chiliad. — The Mirror

There's a mirror on the wall behind the taps and bottles. Anybody who dares sit at the bar must own their reflection. (And wear a shirt and shoes. Restaurant policy.)

Anna: "I don't like that this mirror is here. It'south similar…"

Mark: "You tin can meet into your soul."

two:fourteen p.m. — Marg No. 2

Anna feels "surprisingly tipsy" after just one. She assumes it's all in her head — one of those things where you feel drunker when you're in a situation where yous probably shouldn't exist intoxicated. The man nearest united states of america at the bar is on at to the lowest degree his third margarita since we've arrived. Champion.

On Slack (yep, we made a new channel for this), we begin discussing Chili'due south subsequently Baton Penn civilization editor and food author Danya Henninger confesses she'due south never dined in an Applebee's, and Marking and Anna endeavor to describe where the Centre Urban center Chili's is. (The Trivial Italia reference is a dig at the New York Times. Obviously.)

2:xix p.m. — 'Is this annoying?'

Nosotros determine to appoint with the bartender, who tells us that she really doesn't hate $1 margarita fourth dimension at Applebee'south. We inquire her if it'due south annoying, and she says: "Physically? Yes. Financially? Hell no." Apparently Applebee's-goers tip well. Who knew.

She goes on to say the most annoying part near it is people who assume they can club more than ane marg at a time (dummies!), and and then she tells a mythical tale of a group of 6 men who consumed half dozen margaritas each.

So has the CC AB's been poppin' since this special started? The bartender said they were slammed starting almost 2 days after the annunciation, but the crowds died downwardly sometime around the second or 3rd calendar week of the promotion. Nobody needs four weeks of margaritas. Nobody.

2:thirty p.m. — The breaking point

We brainstorm discussing: How many of these exercise we take to swallow for Applebee's to lose money on it? What is the breaking bespeak?

The respond is infinity. Or meliorate yet any integer divided by nada: undefined. Yep, math doesn't work at Center City Applebee's. And time is a flat circle. And after drinking whatever number of these margaritas you're going to feel undefined.

Nosotros wait deeper into the mirror and accept no idea who'due south looking back.

two:42 p.g. — Marg No. three

Bing Crosby is playing over the loudspeaker and the TVs feature a replay of the Jets game and televised poker. At Applebee's you don't just go the anguish of watching the Jets. You have to watch a replay of them.

Our waitress asks if we desire appetizers, as though an respond other than "yep" could be delivered. We ask for chips and salsa. And so she warns us: Await 20 minutes. They'll exist half off. She is wise.

2:45 p.m. — Drink responsibly

After Anna typed the word "condominiums" instead of "consuming," Baton Penn Editor Shannon Flash told the ii competitive drinkers to "drink responsibly." That ship sailed the moment we entered AB's, AKA the Upside Downwardly.

ii:56 p.thou. — 'Mozz' sticks

We decide information technology'southward time for some salt. Information technology's shut plenty to three p.thou. The bartender asks if we'd like something else in improver to chips and salsa, as though an answer other than "yes" could be delivered.

We know what nosotros desire but aren't certain how to best express information technology. After downing three glasses of sugar water with a shot of tequila in them, we brainstorm to argue about the proper way to social club mozzarella sticks. Mark claims it is mandatory to use the phrase "mozz sticks," which Anna finds to be insane and tacky. Mark orders the "mozz sticks" anyhow. The waitress punches in the lodge. "Mozz sticks" works.

We begin to wonder: Who is the most famous person to have consumed a $1 margarita at Applebee'due south? We come up up with a list of possibilities: Russell Wilson, Danny DeVito, u.s.a., the founder of Barstool, Bill Murray and Carrot Summit.

3:04 p.thou. — Cheesecake Manufacturing plant

The conversation turns side by side to the Cheesecake Factory, which we all hold is the cream of the crop when it comes to chain restaurants. Nosotros wonder: If nosotros go to the Cheesecake Factory and demand price-matching, can we get sloshed there for $5, too?

3:07 p.g. — Chip time

We're delivered a plate of warm chips and a side of salsa approximately iv minutes after we society them. So fast!

3:x p.g. — Mozz fourth dimension

Just moments later, we receive our mozzarellas sticks, which were half-price for some unknown reason. We decide Applebee's slogan should just be: Look an hour, and something will be half off!

three:19 — Marg No. 4

After watching the bartender deliver to someone a margarita that's a different greenish color than the yellow-green nosotros've been consuming, we wonder: Is in that location more to this?

At that place is more to this. The bartender tells us that for a whopping 25 cents y'all can add together a season to your margarita, and the choices are strawberry, raspberry, mango and another fruits we can't remember because we'd had 3 margaritas at this point. Nosotros go with strawberry and climb aboard the flavor train.

3:45 p.m. — Empathy gagging

We realize at this point — four margaritas in — that nosotros never actually came upward with a game plan here. How many would nosotros eat? We're starting to feel kinda boozer. We decide we'll drink two more to go on up with the mythical bros and leave with our dignity intact. Six margs! Pfft. We know nosotros got this. In reality, we exercise not got this.

3:59 p.m. — Marg. No. 5

The bartender knows it's the middle of the afternoon on a Midweek and nosotros're four deep at this signal. She reluctantly asks if there's anything else she tin get us. "We'll effort some other!" Mark tells her. She laughs.

Nosotros receive margarita No. 5 (this one is mango!) and nosotros are unsure if it has whatsoever alcohol in it.

iv:28 p.thou. — The condition quo has changed

Something happened betwixt margarita No. four and margarita No. 5. Maybe the sugar was catching up to usa. Peradventure a bizarre hangover was starting to kick in. Those men who got six apiece have a skill nosotros don't — ane that is best not to have. We decide that peradventure v margs is only plenty to ensure we don't disrupt the time-space continuum and end up in a chain eatery for eternity.

Nosotros get the check. With tax, our x margaritas and ii appetizers price a whopping $19.62. We are shook, but thrilled.

As we're about to leave, we notice how the bartenders and servers accept really been pouring these margaritas. They fill up upwards the glass maybe 1-third full with the green, sugary concoction from the cooler. Then they add ice up to the skirt. At that place's almost no liquid.

Did we even drink alcohol? Nosotros're non certain. Probably not, in fact. All nosotros know is Center City Applebee's won. The house always wins.

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Source: https://billypenn.com/2017/10/27/fear-and-loathing-and-1-margaritas-an-afternoon-at-the-center-city-applebees/